Many, though not all, of the stepmom blogs I read are written by stepmoms who do not have children of their own. Perhaps because this is a large segment of the stepmom blogging sect, perhaps because I'm drawn to them.
Not having one's own child(ren) can complicate the stepfamily dynamic in many ways. As Wednesday Martin observes and La Belle Mere UK so aptly applies, stepmoms without kids of their own are more prone to feeling like an outsider. People make gross assumptions about us because we don't have kids. Yeah, it can be a sucky sucky suckfest.
But what really grinds my gears, as Peter Griffin would say, is when people call us childLESS stepmoms.
Some of us are, unfortunately, unable to have children - due to medical reasons, infertility or plain old poor timing. A vat of boiling emotional acid for any couple, I can only imagine this experience is magnified one thousand percent in a marriage to a man who already has children. To those of you: you are among the most courageous people I know (and don't yet know) and I hope your heart has found peace and comfort somewhere along the line.
But many of us are childFREE, by choice. As the childfree by choice pages states, "We choose to call ourselves 'childfree' rather than 'childless,' because we feel the term 'childless' implies that we're missing something we want - and we aren't."
Me, I'm fairly young and just might have kids of my own one day. Physically speaking, I've got a few good years of babymaking left in me, barring any unforseen complications. But I've made it to my ripe ol' age with no children because I have chosen not to have any. So right now, I'm childFREE.
I'm not missing anything in my life. I'm newly married with a tweenage stepson. I'm a successful full-time professional. I travel, I sleep in, I go out drinkin'. My life is chaotic, exciting and just where I want it to be right now . I don't have kids because I'm driven, career-minded and, above all, responsible.
Women who can't have bio-children don't want to be reminded of this fact by the implication that, as childless, they are missing something they so deeply wanted. And women who don't want to have children shouldn't be pitied (or scorned, for that matter) because of their choice.
Childless is a yucky word. Much yuckier than some words considered socially offensive.
Let's get rid of it.
Need more food for thought? Try this article.
_
