Quotable Sunday

Whenever you fall, pick something up.

OSWALD AVERY

Quotable Sunday

Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.

THEODORE ROOSEVELT

One Family Born From Two

This story was on NPR today. Brief, sugar coated and tied up with a bow.
Overall the message is positive, but I tend to think one of the only reasons this story worked out so nicely is because her husband's first wife was dead.
What do you think?

And He's Back

The Kid came over last night after his brief hiatus from our family. When he walked in the door, I was making dinner and he breezed by me with barely a "hi." He hid out in his room for the next hour while I continued cooking and The Husband worked in the garage. He didn't even pet the dog. I figured this didn't bode well for the next three days.
Just before dinner was ready, he came downstairs and bounded into the kitchen. And so began a conversation like he had never been gone. He told me all about an episode of his favorite show that was on last night, reenacted a few scenes and made me promise to watch an episode on Hulu with him after dinner. Dinner was just like any other dinner, not awkward or tense. He did his chores after we ate and then played a video game with his dad while I made lunches for today.
He was very affectionate all night. He kept telling his dad he loved him and giving him random hugs.
And, oddest of all, he was doing the same to me. He hardly ever hugs me, and I'm not sure he's ever seriously said "I love you" to me (and admittedly, I actually hesitated with how to reply). Later, we watched a Hulu episode on the laptop in my room. We sat on the bed, his head on my shoulder, and we laughed until it hurt.
I really missed him.
I'm not sure what to make about his recent behavior. He admitted that he received his progress report and he was afraid to tell his dad that he did very poorly because he knew he would get in trouble. My husband dropped out of high school at 16, and his life has not been easy as a result. He got his GED right after he dropped out, but he now realizes the value of education and really pushes The Kid to live up to his potential. The Kid knew that Mom would just sign the report and move on, so he didn't come over. But to go almost two weeks because of something like that? To not answer phone calls or text messages, most of which were Dad insisting he wasn't mad? To miss time with Dad when just a month ago he was asking to live with us? Then to show up and constantly hug and love on this person you worked so hard to ignore?
Call me a cynic, but I tend to think that Mommy Dearest may have had something to do with this whole ordeal. But now, now I'm just glad things are back to normal.

Blue-Butterfly Day

I snapped this photo this weekend while walking downtown with The Husband. The more I look at it, the more I love it.
Those cracked and dirty hands belong to my husband. Rough as they are, some find them a perfect resting place. Even a tiny, delicate butterfly.
But especially me.

Quotable Sunday

Do not scorn a weak cub, he may become a brutal tiger.

MONGOLIAN PROVERB

Déjà Vu

The Kid has not been over at all this week.
He refuses to answer his phone (does that mean I don't have to pay for it anymore?).
His mother refuses to talk to my husband. They have only communicated via text message.
The first day of his scheduled time with his, he told his mom he didn't feel well. This was justified, as he had stayed home from school. She texted to say he didn't feel well and would be staying there. I have to admit, I was kinda psyched to have a little extra adult time.
The second day of his scheduled time with his dad, he refused to answer all phone calls even though he was instructed to call after school. He didn't hear from The Ex until nearly 6pm. The Kid would not be coming over.
The third day: rinse and repeat.
The Husband has no idea why The Kid won't talk to him or come to our house. He is extremely frustrated that The Ex is not making The Kid call and talk it out, or even answer her phone so they can try to work it out. She says she can't make him do something he doesn't want to do. The Husband hasn't talked to his son since last Saturday. He starting to get really upset.
I'm hoping that The Kid just did something stupid, something he knows his dad will be upset about, and he doesn't want to face the consequences so he is hiding out at his mom's house.
But it is all starting to feel so familiar.
And I don't like that.

Overreacting?

This picture is totally unrelated to this post. It's just a happy place I go to when I'm frustrated.

I didn't post this earlier because I needed some time to think about it. I thought maybe I would calm down a bit. But the more I think about it, the angrier I get.
Alas, I bring it to you.
In last week's FB stalking, I noticed The Ex had put up some photos on her FB page. Generally, I don't click on the photos but I noticed that two of the photos were of my husband. So, of course, I clicked. She had taken a bunch of pictures of him with her cell phone at one of The Kid's sports games. Without him knowing. Some of the pictures didn't even have The Kid in them.
I remember that particular day clearly because she and I were left standing about 10 feet from one another, each pretending the other didn't exist. I thought to myself, "This is just stupid," and started to walk over to her to say hi.
Do you know what she did? She spun on her heel and walked away. Turning her back to me. And that moment right then was when she took all those covert cell phone pictures.
This happened over three months ago. She just put the pictures up last week.
Is that fucked up?
Firstly, my husband didn't even know she was taking pictures of him. Second, The Kid isn't even in some of the pictures! Third, she's done nearly everything to strip him out of The Kid's life - changing The Kid's last name, denying visitation for two years, endless court battles over stupid shit. Now that she has a fiance and wants to get private time with him, all of the sudden it's like none of that shit ever happened? WTF?! Not to mention that if I were Future Stepdad, I would be irritated. There aren't even any pictures of Future Stepdad up!
I tried to to rationalize - maybe she's just trying to show all her friends that The Husband is not the deadbeat she made him out to be (so that she can justify pushing him off on us all the time)? Maybe she's just trying to put those pictures up for The Kid's sake? Maybe she knows I creep her FB page and wanted to see if I would say anything?
I did let The Husband know, and he was very upset that there were pictures of him on FB (he doesn't have an account, and even I only have three photos of us on my account). We decided the subject is not worth broaching. I'm letting it go, but before I do, I want some feedback from my sister stepmoms. What do you think?

Oh, and for the record, I will not be checking her Facebook any longer. Not worth it.

Quotable Sunday

Happy Mother's Day!
xo

Lashing Out

I have a little confession to make. I am a Facebook stalker.
There. I said it. It's off my chest. And I'm a little embarrassed about it.
Fact is, some people are complete morons about Facebook's privacy settings (not that FB makes it easy...). Two of these said people are The Ex and Future Stepdad. I try, try, try not to look at their profiles, but the part of me that wants so badly to protect my family does click on them every once in a while. The rule I made in my head is: once a month I'm allowed to stalk (any more than twice a month is obsessive, according to moi). After all, they are the ones who didn't privatize their pages.
Well last night was my designated once-a-month stalk session. I don't click on pictures or anything, I just look for things like, "I'm pregnant!"or "I'm getting committed to the crazy ward of Local Hospital!." Nothing caught my eye on The Ex's page, so I clicked on Future Stepdad's page.
Remember how I've struggled with some jealousy over Future Stepdad's easy transition into the family? And Sharon reminded me he will have a long journey himself, with or without a spiteful ex. Then I started to recognize some of his struggles?
As his page loaded I noticed The Kid had written all over it.
Now, The Kid hardly ever uses FB. He will log on maybe once every month or so. I know he was on a few days ago because he wrote all over my page, generally song lyrics and answers to those silly "Social Interview" questions. Well, on Future Stepdad's page he had written some questionable things. In two separate posts, he called FS a "bitch" (The Kid is not allowed to swear in our house unless he's having a total meltdown and it just slips out). And in one post he called FS a "faggot," language that, once again, is intolerable and punishable in our house. This was all, seemingly, unprompted.
I don't know if they run around their house calling each other these words, laughing and giggling all the way. Honestly, it wouldn't surprise me if they did. Or maybe it's a private joke that they have. But from my "stalker's" view, it seemed very negative. And I actually felt bad for FS.
I did notice that one of the posts, the one that seemed the most outright mean, has since been deleted, hopefully on The Ex's prompting.
Future Stepdad is coming into The Kid's life at a very weird time for The Kid. His hormones are CRAZY (to say the least) and he's struggling with school and his peers. He's a (mostly) normal teenager with insane mood swings and teen angst. And a new stepdad whose presence makes his mom a completely different person. The Ex is obsessed with babies and starting over with a "new family." The other day, he tearfully apologized for being born. It broke my heart (literally, I had to go upstairs to my room with a box of tissues...no child should ever feel that).
Apparently, Future Stepdad is taking the blame for all of these feelings, and The Kid is lashing out at him.
Welcome to stepfamily life, Future Stepdad. Welcome (insert evil laugh).

By Any Other Name

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose/ By any other name would smell as sweet." -Juliet Capulet

I was thinking today about how The Ex changed The Kid's last name. When my husband showed up to the court room on that day, she said, "We're his family. He's taking our last name."
The Husband, not wanting to fight anymore, allowed his son to change his name. Then spent the night in my arms, feeling robbed of something he couldn't quite put his finger on.
When The Kid was born, The Ex lived with her parents. They refused to let the new baby have his father's name, threatening to revoke all support. After they were married, when The Kid was 2, his name was changed again to reflect the new family name. Then, when he was 9 it was changed again, back to his mother's maiden name. Talk about confusing.
Last week, The Ex changed her name on Facebook to what will be her new married name, when she gets married next year. I'm not sure why she changed it so soon. But this leaves The Kid floating in a very strange place. His mom is moving on, and quite quickly. She's already using her new name. His grandparents, who share his last name, have been going through a divorce for the past several months (I haven't blogged about this because I truly feel it is none of my business, but the fact is relevant here). He is angry at them, and hasn''t spoken to his grandfather, the patriarch, in nearly a year.
We have a fairly unusual last name. Yesterday, The Kid said to me, "There's only three of us in the whole world. Me, you and dad." He's been writing his name using his father's last name on his schoolwork. He refers to himself as The Kid Dadslastname. Although he talks about changing his name back all the time, he's scared to initiate the change. I'm guessing there's some loyalty issues there. And there's the issue of the kids at school questioning all these changes.
And The Husband is nervous to initiate the change as his ex can be batshit crazy at times. What will the backlash be? Are we going to end up back in court? Is the relative peace of the past year going to be blown away?
He's trying to just let things happen organically, but let's face it: all of these changes The Kid has been through haven't been very organic. The Husband's not sure what to do; all he does know is that he needs to do what is best for The Kid.

And, on a somewhat related note, here's a little story about the irony of the name change ordeal:
I'm certain that The Ex changed The Kid's name for two main reasons: 1.) To hurt her ex, and 2.) to ensure that everyone knew The Kid was hers and not mine (or any other partner the Then Boyfriend might acquire). Well, this past winter we went away for a few long weekends. And all the hotels asked for the name of all guests staying in the room, not just the person who made the reservation. At each and every hotel we stayed at, the concierge assumed that the child was mine and not The Husband's. Since we share a name, and he has a different last name. The same thing happened at several activities we did while away. I was always quick to correct them and dispel any awkwardness The Kid might feel. But in my head, I was saying, "Ha. Hahahahahaha! Fail!" to The Ex. (There's always a bit of gratification in seeing her best laid plans backfire...)

Quotable Sunday

The purer your wish to serve and the purer your motives for action, the more beautiful the love that you will give.

RYOHU OKAWA