Flashback: The Cure

The song "Close to Me" by The Cure reminds me of my husband.
We always used to go to this Irish pub downtown when we first met, and they had this rad old jukebox. After a few Guinness, I would always amble over to that jukebox and choose this song, then dance around a la Liz Lemon from 30 Rock. (You know I've been drinking if I'm dancing in public.)
He would always put down his pint and join me, the train wreck that it was. We'd do the Charleston. We'd attempt some swing. We'd do The Elaine. Mini mosh pit? No problem.
After a while, people started choosing this song when they got bored just so they had something to watch while they imbibed their tasty adult beverages. It was sort of a thing.
That pub got sold 4 years ago. The last night it was open, we tried and tried to steal the jukebox off the wall. It wouldn't budge. When the pub re-opened weeks later as a new establishment, the jukebox was gone. Trashed.
So now we have to dance around in our living room to The Cure on my iPod.
But at least we're still dancing.

Check out the music vid here.

Book Review: Fairest of All: A Tale of the Wicked Queen by Serena Valentino

I used to be an English teacher. I taught freshman special ed, among other classes. As a result, I got into the habit of perusing the teen literature section at my favorite book stores to find new, interesting books for the kids, who were often struggling readers, to explore. This habit never broke.
While at the bookstore a few weeks back, I was looking through the teen section for a book for The Kid, who tends to shirk his reading duties (which, as a former teacher, drives me nutty!). I didn't find anything for him, but I did find Fairest of All: A Tale of the Wicked Queen by Serena Valentino.
I'll admit, it was the cover that got me. The illustration flagged my stepmom radar and I stopped dead in my tracks. After reading the summary- "Another tale, far less often spoken of is the one that explains what caused the Queen to become so contemptuously vile" - I knew I was taking this book home with me.
Valentino is a popular comic book writer; she writes GloomCookie, a series of tales about the goth subculture with funky artwork and original storylines. Fairest of All is her first novel.
If you are a literary critic, the prose of this book will not impress you. But that's part of what I love about it. It is so easy to read that any 8-year-old could pick it up and breeze through it. And that is so important because - wait for it - this book offers a look into the stepmother's psyche. Suddenly, the prosaic Wicked Stepmom (hi, nicetameetya) is given a own voice of her own.
Readers are given an entire backstory to The Queen - her troubled childhood, how she came to marry the king, their relationship before his death, her incredible love for him and his daughter, her daughter. Wait, what? Yes, this Wicked Stepmother loves her stepdaughter. TRIUMPH!!!!! Finally! One of the Disney stepmothers admits that she loves her stepdaughter! And this book was on a special shelf, highlighted for all browsers of the teen section to see! I am so excited to think that an interested tween, a bored 15-year-old, an confused stepdaughter might pick up this book and think twice. Is it just me, or is this huge???
This tale's Wicked Stepmother struggles with finding her place amidst the legacy of Snow White's birth mother. She feels lonely, depressed and relies heavily on her magic mirror to help her feel like the woman she wants to be (don't we all have our own magnificent obsession?). She tries so hard to protect Snow White from the monster she knows she is becoming (sort of like our tongues resemble Swiss cheese after a particularly trying visit with the kids). This Queen just happens to succumb to the darkness that we, as stepmothers, have all have experienced. No one other than a stepmother will quite understand her struggle.

"The Queen had so much promise within her - so much power to make the world better. But instead she allowed darkness to guide her, blind to any other way."

There is no doubt that Queen is still evil. She still plots and schemes against her stepdaughter. She still makes selfish, vain decisions just like she does in the animated classic. However, the twists in this story remind us that things are not always as they seem.
No, it's not a literary masterpiece (mind you, I read Victorian literature for fun) but it is an amusing, easy book to read. And it's out there for any kid, any stepkid, any ol' person to pick up and read. Above all, it offers an alternative viewpoint to what many young children have been cultured to believe.
Check. It. Out.

Quotable Wednesday

In my heart, this is my first marriage.

MY HUSBAND


*I really needed to hear this.

Quotable Sunday

No one can drive us crazy unless we give them the keys.

DOUG HORTON

Quotable Sunday

How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.

WAYNE DYER

Hey, Check Him Out!

For a new perspective:

21st Century Stepdad Man

He's very funny, a little bit snarky and dearly sincere. And it's nice to read the story from the other side of the step-parent coin.

Par example, an excerpt from August 2007:

We're taking The Boy and The Pal to see a fun animated film this evening, and then the Pal is sleeping over. Adventures in kid management!

Interestingly, this activity precludes me from a late-night avant-garde rock show that an old friend encouraged me to check out. An actual instance of choosing family over rock'n'roll. It might make some people feel old, but I say it's the more punk-rock thing to do.


That's all I got for today!

Big, Giant Awards Post

As I continue on this slippery slope of blog-slackerdom, I feel the need to apologize to all the fabulous bloggers out there who have presented me with bloggy awards that I most certainly do not deserve. But thank you. In an attempt to catch up (and I know I'm going to forget someone here, so sorry in advance), I'm going to muster up a big, giant awards post.

From Wicked Steppie, the "Your Blog is Swank" award. Rad! The rules of this award? Simply pass it on...so, go check out the swank at Family in Bloom, What Remains Behind and Pretend Mommy.

***

Next Up: the "Honest Scrap" award from Megs7827. She just got married this weekend! Woot! Rules: tell 10 things about myself, then forward the award to ten bloggers. Erm, yeah, I'm a slacker, remember? I'm aiming for three for three...
About me: 1.) I'm addicted to NPR. So much so that even when they do their fund drives, I sit there and listen rather than change the station to commercial radio. 2.) I don't have TV. When they converted to digital, my husband and I decided not to get the converter box. We do watch movies via Netflix but we are wayyyyyy out of the loop when it comes to what's on TV. 3.) Sometimes people ask me if my (older) brother and I are identical twins. I'm not sure if this means I look like a man, he looks like a woman or people are just incredibly stupid.
And the award goes to: 1.) The Evil Step-mom??, 2.) Marsha 3.) Stepmomma. Check 'em out!

***

From f8hasit, the "Official Seal of the Ultimate MeMe" award. This award is pretty much a blog slacker's nightmare...create 5 categories each containing 5 favorite items of said category and then tag 5 people to do the same thing. *Smacks head.* How's 4 categories/4 items/4 people?

Music I Probably Can't Live Without:
The Eels
Le Tigre
Tom Waits
Beethoven


TV Shows I Own on DVD because They're That Good:
Red Dwarf
The Office (American version)
30 Rock
Flight of the Conchords


Movies I Can't Stop Watching Over and Over:
Stranger than Fiction
Zoolander
Eagle vs. Shark
Immortal Beloved


Books That are Falling Apart Because I've Read Them So Many Times:
Welcome to the Monkey House, Kurt Vonnegut
Still Life With Woodpecker, Tom Robbins
The Robber Bride, Margaret Atwood
The Complete Works, William Shakespeare

I hereby assign this task to:
Amy
Sharon
Life of a Stepmama
Georgina

Can't wait to learn more about you guys!

***

And finally, from Little Ms. Blogger, the "Fabulous Sugar Doll Blogger" award. Rules: 10 facts/10 bloggers. *Deep breath in.* EWO's new rules: 5 facts/2 bloggers!

1.) I lived in Epping, NSW, Australia for two years. I would go back there forever in a heartbeat.
2.) I make my own beer. Or at least I know how to; I haven't done it in a while.
3.) I have pretty big feet. As a result, I frequently run into transvestites and drag queens when shoe shopping. (I think I may have written this somewhere on my blog before, but I can't remember where...?)
4.) When I met my husband, he was in a punk rock band and had a mohawk. He now plays in an acoustic rock cover band and is bald. WTF?
5.) I once lived across the street from Richard Hatch, of Survivor fame.

And I hereby nominate the following Sugar Dolls:
1.) Pretty Girl and the Wicked Stepmother
2.) Courtney


There ya have it. Now, don't be surprised if I don't post again for a month ;)

To everyone who awarded me, a heartfelt thanks!!!! And to everyone who received an award, a heartfelt congrats!!!

Quotable Sunday

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON

Book Review: Forgive for Good by Dr. Fred Luskin

*I started reading this book shortly after I began my blog, right about the time I got married. Though I finished it really quickly, I let this review sit in my drafts for a few months. For no particular reason.*

The most important tidbit of information I walked away from this book with is: the story of The Ex's mistreatment of us - me,The Husband, The Kid - will not be the story of our marriage and our family.

Pros:
* It is easy to read, uses interesting similes and illustrates by examples.
*This book really helped me to realize that so much of what I'm angry about was/is truly out of my control. I need to move on or I will forever be tied to things I cannot control, which is a huge waste of energy.
* The author talks at length about unenforceable rules, which is a great way of looking at the root of our anger. When you make a rule like this (i.e., "She shouldn't act like that.") you give someone the power to hurt you. If we make rules that are enforceable (meaning, if we create reasonable boundaries), it doesn't mean we won't be hurt but at least we'll have control over the situation.
*The author also insists that although some rules may be unenforceable ("The Ex must be nice to me") and we can't demand they happen, we should always "fervently hope things go the way you want." The desire is important, the demand is impossible.
*He has developed a practice called Postive Emotion Refocusing Technique (PERT). It is very Buddhist and nature and a great tip to remember on those days.

Cons:
*The book is repetitive; often I would double check that I hadn't skipped back a page because some sentences are exactly the same. I understand the point in doing this, but I personally didn't like the way it read.
*Often times, the author says that we need to focus on how the offenses we have experienced were not intended to hurt us personally. Yes, this is true if a drunk driver kills a loved one. However, this is not true in my case, or the cases of many other stepmoms out there. The offenses we have experienced were meant to hurt us directly. This made some of his methods unrealistic for me. It did, however, guide me to ask myself, "Was this personal?" about specific instances.
*Several chapters in the middle of the book are about the author's research. I found these chapters unhelpful.

Favorite quotes:
*"There is great danger in giving people without your best interests in mind power of you. There is great danger in giving people who have hurt you power over the way you feel."
*"No one's past has to be a prison sentence."
*"Forgiveness is the choice to extend those moments [of beauty or love], then for those moments we have forgiven those who have hurt us. Forgiveness is the choice to extend those moments to the rest of our life. Forgiveness is available anytime. It is completely under your control. It does not rely on the actions of others; it is a choice you alone can make.
*"Forgiveness does not mean that you have to think what happened was okay. Forgiveness does not mean condoning the unkind, inconsiderate, or selfish behavior of someone who hurt you."
*"If we continue to pursue our goal [learning from the situation], we exact the greatest revenge on someone who has hurt us. We move on. We find peace."
*"Wounds can cripple the happiness only of those who do not know how to cope and forgive."
*"Forgiveness is for us and not the offender. Forgiveness in no way condones cruelty or unkind treatment, Forgiveness gives us back peace of mind."


I feel like I have a much greater understanding of my bitterness towards The Ex and why, although I remain hurt, I need to stop being angry. I couldn't control her actions, and though I will never trust her and probably will never reconcile with her, I can, and will, make peace with the situation.

I now know what forgiveness means. Before reading this book, I misunderstood forgiveness, I thought it was, more than anything else, a sign of weakness. I didn't think it was fair for me to forgive someone who was so horrible. Why should I? She doesn't deserve to be forgiven. Now I see that forgiveness is actually a marker of tremendous strength. Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation (although it can) and that's okay. Forgiveness is for me.

Before I read this book, The Ex, and her ability to turn my life upside down, was always on my mind. I still have to try to not think of her, but it has become much easier to kick her out when I do let her in.

I admit I was on a bit of a high right after I read this book and I didn't bring up The Ex for quite some time, or even think about her. I had truly began the forgiveness process. But eventually, life continued and that faded. Revisiting this review, that I had written four months prior to publishing, reminded me that forgiveness is a practice, not a singular action.

I highly recommend this book if you are struggling with forgiveness in any area of your life. It has certainly helped me lay the groundwork for forgiving The Ex so that my husband and I can move forward create our own story.

Confessions of a Bike Ride

Yes, I've been a slacker. A big, fat, no-good blog slacker.

To get back in the swing of things, I give you this:

{riding bikes through the neighborhood}

The Kid: When you were a teacher, were you a science teacher?

Me: No way! I was an English teacher. Why?

TK: Oh, well you just really remind me of my old science teacher.

Me: Oh. Well obviously she was the coolest person that has ever walked the face of this Earth - the funniest, the smartest and the most beee-yooo-tiff-full.

TK: Nope. She wasn't...

{silence}

TK: ...you are.

And, he didn't even want anything (late bedtime, extra allowance, a pass on dog-doo duty).
Gad, this kid is smoooooooth, just like his dad.

Quotable Sunday

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.

WINSTON CHURCHILL