As The Ex moves forward with her engagement, I find myself very conflicted.I'm happy, because she's so enamored right now that The Kid is getting lots of time with his dad. I'm also happy because she's so in love that she has no time or energy to focus on messing with us.
I'm nervous because she's only been dating him from three months and it all seems kind of rushed.
But mainly, I am jealous.
I'm jealous that Stepdad has the full support of The Husband and will never have to deal with a contentious, hateful ex.
I'm jealous that Stepdad doesn't have to tiptoe around wondering if someone is going to snap.
I'm jealous that The Kid liked him from the getgo, because nobody told him not to.
I'm jealous that no one ever talks badly about Stepdad.
I'm jealous that, after three months, Stepdad is allowed to all sporting events and school activities but it took me 5 years to get an invite. And even then, it was a one-time deal.
I'm jealous that I got picked on and he doesn't.
A tiny, evil part of me wants Stepdad to have the same experience I did. I want his heart to break like mine did. I want him to sacrifice like I did. I want him to have anxiety attacks when he's driving down the road. I want him to have to fight for his family, to show that he believes it's worth it. It's not fair that the welcome mat gets rolled out for him and I don't even get a sideways glance after all of the time, energy, money and, above all, love I've put into The Kid's life.
For everyone's sake, I truly hope the relationship works out.
But I'm still jealous.
12 comments:
It's not fair, I know. But men have always had it easier when it comes to the stepfamily scenario. And, part of the reason your stepson gets along well with the new SD is because of the love you and your husband give him. He feels secure because you and your husband are mature and adult-like. Sometimes it really sucks when we do the right thing and take the high road and not bash the other person, only to find out that we were never treated that way in return. I hope this makes sense. If it doesn't, just know that I hear ya' ! - G
Look on the bright side...you don't have to go home to her at night. He'll be paying a much higher price than you.
It's not going to be the bed of roses you make it out to be. Rest assured, he'll have his own challenges to work through.
The reality is that the mother wants the kid to like who she's with... but doesn't want the kid to like you, because you're her competition... (it's all in her head...) and she really believes that if the kid likes you, then she might lose out on the mommy points...
it sucks... but it's kind of a back handed compliment to you that she's so darned jealous of you :) even if she won't admit it..
When the kid grows up and see's how you and hubby treated the step dad, compared to how his mom treated you guys, he will see what is going on.
Taking the high road is the much better option. It sucks women are so catty, and can't handle the situation like the men can sometimes.
Reading this post really hit home, I imagine if there ever is another guy stupid enough to fall for PEG he will have a very easy welcomed transition, nothing like what I am having to go through.
Taking the higher road sucks, it takes a long time to reap the rewards but one day I know the kid will figure it all out and he will see how you and your husband behaved, he will see your kindness, respect and love, and then will compare that to what his mom showed him about yall. I truly believe the kid will figure it out, it just takes time.
You are doing the right thing and I completely understand where you are coming from, it completely sucks. I wish it were easier for you, I wish you wouldn't have had to go through all of the pain and heartache. However all of that has made you who you are today, and you should be proud of that.
You have nothing to be jealous over, he will have his own bumps in the road and as another reader pointed out he has to go home to her everynight. As my 2 yr old SS would say, "Yuuuckkkkkiiiee"
I agree, the high road always sucks. BUT I can tell you with certainity kids know, they know the truth, maybe not today, but later they kow. Raising Chosen Child from 2 to 13 1/2, she knows clearly WHICH of her parents have taken the high road and WHICH OF HER PARENTS HAVE NOT! She selects who she tells her secrets, whom she asks for advice, and what her future ahead is based on the ones she knows took the high road.
I know exactly how you feel and it SUCKS! I feel very bitter about the same things. The BF moved in after 3 months of dating and no one questioned it, but we moved in together after 7-8 months and you would have thought that we were satan. BF is allowed to be as involved as he wants, and my fiance is always nice to him. To the point that they actually have conversations on the phone. BM wouldn't even pick up a call from the kids that was coming from my phone much less ever work anything out with me. I feel like the 6th wheel when it has something to do with the kids and the BM and BF. Like it's ok no matter what BF does or doesn't do, but I'm under the microscope for everything. Even at first the kids question my intentions about everything. The kids don't even know anything about the BF yet they think he's so great. I know it's not fair and it's total bullshit.
I whole heartedly agree that the kids will notice this one day, and they actually already are starting to. Not only that, but yes...if the BM is as much of a bitch as the BM in my life...the guy will get enough pain of his own once he figures out the real deal of this woman.
I always tell myself. Karma's a bitch...
Hang in there. You are normal to feel this way!
I think anyone would feel these things. Feel them, and then move forward, over and over, till it's done.
Don't worry hon. Some if not all of that will happen. Also you only have to answer for you. Not him not your husband just you.
You know what you have to do and that is the right thing. Your hub has to do the right thing which is support this new relationship. And then realize it is not going to be all perky fun fun over there all the time.
And then just realize this is one more instance where men have it easy.
I do understand, I do. I empathize greatly.
I understand how you're feeling! I've felt the same way toward my stepkids' mom and her boyfriend. Why is it I'm expected to pick up everyone's parental slack but she is afraid to even ask him to help out?
Same goes for how soon things got to happen with him versus me. Would you believe she had a clause written into their divorce decree about me? A clause she breaks with her boyfriend all the time.
I just keep telling myself there's a special place in heaven for people like us.
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