Bad Earl

I think I told you The Ex is engaged. Did I tell you? After 4 months of dating this guy, they were engaged. He's never been married before, he has no baggage. He seems like a nice guy and The Kid really likes him. I'm glad The Kid likes him. But a teensy part of me wishes she would marry someone with a psycho ex and kids and baggage...just so she could see what it's like. Then I smarten up and realize if she is happy then she will be her best for The Kid, and that's a good thing.
I'm not at all bothered that she's engaged. But the selfish part of me is bothered at other things. When I really look hard at it, it looks a bit like jealousy. Which I'm a tad embarrassed to admit.
It's just that sometimes, I wonder where karma is.
Do any of you watch the show My Name is Earl? I've been catching up on it via DVD; it's actually really a positive show with a good message. There's this one episode in Season 3 called "Bad Earl" in which Earl believes his good deeds are getting him nowhere and reverts back to his old ways. Well, I feel like Bad Earl lately. As I look back at my six years of sacrificing and keeping my mouth shut, I am glad truly that I've taken the high road. But the Bad Earl in me just wants to shake The Kid by his shoulders and tell him all the horrible things his mom did.
Then I want to walk up to her and punch her teeth in. Repeatedly.
Then I want to sit down with Future Stepdad and let him know what the love of his life did to someone she once pledged her life to.
Then I want to pack up and move across the country and forget this mess.

Future Stepdad and The Ex are having a big fancy wedding. This is not something I ever wanted, but I'm sick to death of her telling The Kid that their wedding will be a real wedding and ours wasn't. Because our wedding was outdoors, and the ceremony was performed by my brother and not a real priest. And it was on a Sunday, which is not the right day for weddings. *Sigh.* Guess who's getting married two weeks to the day before our wedding? On a Sunday. In an outdoor ceremony. Bad Earl hopes it rains and ruins the day.
Future Stepdad and The Ex are buying a house. They are telling The Kid they are better than us because we just rent. (I find this somewhat hilarious because currently The Ex lives in her mother's basement rent free and has for nearly 8 years...maybe that's why she has all this money saved up to buy a house??) Bad Earl hopes the basement floods. Or they get termites.
Future Stepdad and The Ex are planning to try for a baby immediately after their marriage. I always thought The Husband and I would have kids first, y'know, because we've been together so much longer. I've actually been bitten by the baby bug pretty badly recently (more on that tomorrow), and the only reason we're not growing our family now is because my husband doesn't have a job. Why do they get to have a baby? Bad Earl hopes they can't (and I realize that is a horrible thought, but I've thought it.)

Why do I care about these things?
I NEVER wanted a big wedding; I always believed that those who will support us through the toughest times in our life are those who should be there and so there were 13 people at our wedding. And I loved every minute of it. No, we didn't get any presents, nor any money. I paid for the whole shindig myself. But we got the promised support of those closest to us no matter what comes. And that is priceless.
I'm 11 years younger than Future Stepdad, 8 years younger than The Ex, and I'm the sole financial support for our family right now. Who cares if they can buy a house?!! Maybe in 11 years I will be able to also. My career is going great, I'm the youngest in my field in my state, in an organization with a renowned reputation partially based on my work. I'll get there.
I don't believe having new children while adjusting to marriage is wise, if avoidable. Even though The Husband and I lived together for 5 years before we married, being married was still one hell of an adjustment. The Ex and Future Stepdad don't live together, save the three to five nights a week they spend alone at one-or-the-others place when we have The Kid. They've never lived together. AND they've only been dating 8 months. In addition to the major marriage and stepfamily adjustment, they are going to throw a baby in the mix? Yikes. Who cares if they have a baby? Really, who cares?
Who cares about any of these things? When I spell it out in black-and-white, I can't see any reason why I'm bothered by these silly things. I am making the best decisions for my life, and that should be all that matters. Like Earl, I know karma will give me what I deserve, and all others will get what they deserve, in due time. Right now, I'm just working through these feelings.
I know, deep down, that my rewards will come if I continue to hold fast. I just don't understand the way the Universe works sometimes...why does it seem that bad people never get theirs?

The Twilight Zone

Yesterday was game #2 in my stepmom-goes-to-games experience.
Firstly, The Kid's team didn't get creamed! He did great and they only lost by 2 points in the last 4 minutes. I was great fun to watch.
The Ex was there but had to leave before the end of the game. Consequently, her mother came to watch the end of the game and take The Kid home.
To describe her mother as an evil troll would be kind. This woman has been nothing but nasty to my husband and I. She hated The Husband from day 1 of his dating her daughter. She threatened to kill him when they got pregnant. She would call her daughter every day of their marriage and say, "You don't have to stay with him. You can do better. There's always a room in my home for you." She shoots us dirty looks when we're in the same place at the same time. She constantly tells The Kid how much she hates us. She says rude things about me, but not to me, whenever we run into each other. She. Is. Horrible.
So, I was less than thrilled when we had to swap out some of The Kid's forgotten things to her at the end of the game. Ugh.
As we were all standing around the cars, waiting for things to get unlocked/situated there was an awkward moment where it was just me and The Troll, standing within throttling distance feet of each other. She snuck a look in my direction. I decided it was high-time I actually meet this woman.
I stuck out my hand. "Hi. I'm EWO. I've heard so much about you. Nice to finally meet you."
She returns the gesture. "Hello. I'm A Conniving Twatbag The Kid's Grandma."
Silence.
She continued, "I've heard so many wonderful things about you," as she placed her knobbly, wrinkled, old hand on my arm. "Thank you so much for being so great to my grandson."
Insert record scratch.
The Husband dropped the car keys.
The orange The Kid was eating fell straight out of his gaping mouth.
I must have looked something like this.
"W-w-well. Well, that's very kind of you to say," I managed to choke out.
We transferred all of The Kid's stuff into the car, said our farewells and I jumped into my car.
The Husband and I looked at each other in equal states of disbelief.
"Well that was..." I whispered.
"...odd, " he offered.
"Um, yeah. I need..."
"...a drink?"
"Yeah!"
And so we drove away from The Twilight Zone and went to the pub.
I don't know what prompted this woman to suddenly recognize that I'm not an evil bee-otch. Maybe she doesn't and just felt outnumbered. Whatever the reason, I think it's still a pretty huge compliment coming from Satan her.
And I think it's safe to say that nothing but good has come from becoming more fully involved in The Kid's life outside our home.

Thankful

The stress of the holidays in Stepmomville has been all over the smom forums lately, as it's that time of year. I admit I hadn't given it much thought, since we never spend holidays with The Kid. We usually make our own special rituals on a different day.
That is, until The Ex texted The Husband and asked, "What's up for Thanksgiving?" We discussed it and decided to ask The Kid what he wanted to do; no pressure, just his preference for how the day goes. He said he wanted to spend the day with our family (our parents, grandparents, siblings and a few misfits). So The Husband texted back that we would pick him up at a certain time on T-day. And then she said no.
Huh?
It seems that once she understood the schedule of our day, she told my husband he could pick up The Kid at the exact time we sit down for dinner. At my grandparents' house, an hour away.
At this point, I caught on to her game and, despite the fact that I want The Kid to enjoy holiday time with his dad, I put my foot down (for only the second time ever, I swear!) and said he could pick up The Kid at the time stated or much later that night. Because quite frankly, I'm sick of her flexing her first wife muscles and using their son as a means to disrupt our lives.
Soo....
For the first time ever, The Kid is spending a holiday with us. Because he said he wanted to. Even though his mom wasn't thrilled with the idea.
It's not a competition thing. The Husband and I just want The Kid to be happy, to feel welcome and safe and fat and happy, all those quintessential holiday feelings. And this year, he wanted to eat with us. It might seem like a small feat, but it's actually huge that his mom listened to him.
And it's also huge that we, being unwilling to bow down to The Almighty Ex, stood our ground and didn't have to rearrange our lives for her.
For this, I am not only thankful. I am also hopeful.

Jealous

As The Ex moves forward with her engagement, I find myself very conflicted.
I'm happy, because she's so enamored right now that The Kid is getting lots of time with his dad. I'm also happy because she's so in love that she has no time or energy to focus on messing with us.
I'm nervous because she's only been dating him from three months and it all seems kind of rushed.
But mainly, I am jealous.
I'm jealous that Stepdad has the full support of The Husband and will never have to deal with a contentious, hateful ex.
I'm jealous that Stepdad doesn't have to tiptoe around wondering if someone is going to snap.
I'm jealous that The Kid liked him from the getgo, because nobody told him not to.
I'm jealous that no one ever talks badly about Stepdad.
I'm jealous that, after three months, Stepdad is allowed to all sporting events and school activities but it took me 5 years to get an invite. And even then, it was a one-time deal.
I'm jealous that I got picked on and he doesn't.
A tiny, evil part of me wants Stepdad to have the same experience I did. I want his heart to break like mine did. I want him to sacrifice like I did. I want him to have anxiety attacks when he's driving down the road. I want him to have to fight for his family, to show that he believes it's worth it. It's not fair that the welcome mat gets rolled out for him and I don't even get a sideways glance after all of the time, energy, money and, above all, love I've put into The Kid's life.
For everyone's sake, I truly hope the relationship works out.
But I'm still jealous.