Text Message Truths

My cell phone buzzed while I was sitting at my desk today.

Text message!

From a friend I haven't seen in ages who I just ran into last night. He just found out last night that we were getting married. Actual "conversation" follows:

Friend: When did he propose.

Me:He didn't we just decided to get married. In november i think.

F: Are you excited to be getting married.

M: Not really. Nervous.

F: It's very surprising. You never seemed to enjoy his company that much. Or you were just waiting for something better to come along. I don't think it's a good idea.

M: That's horrible! Of course i enjoy his company!

no response

As previously discussed, I have been grappling with some doubt issues. But this "conversation" really threw me off. I admit I'm not as nice to my husband-to-be as I should be. I'm so terrified that he'll screw something up and we'll get thrown into turmoil again that I'm always on him about something. Yes, I know this is fucked up. Yes, I am trying to change my ways and put more faith in him. Yes, I enjoy his company. No, I haven't been with him for the past howevermanyyears because I was waiting for something better to come along.

It hurt my feelings that a friend would even think that. Then, I began to question everything all over again.

As I ran things over and over in my head (instead of, you know, working), I realized that I am madly in love with my boyfriend and I have no reason to doubt that spending my life with him is a capital idea. And I most definitely don't show it enough. To him, or to anyone else. At that moment, I declared (in my head, of course) that from this day forth I would make more of an effort to be an outwardly loving girlfriend-soon-to-be-wife.

Buzz.

Text message!

Boyfriend: I adore you.

Me: Where did that come from?

B: My heart.

M: Dweeb.

(I didn't say it would be easy.)

6.12.09 ETA: Spoke with this texting friend recently, and he was simply acting out because he was in a miserable, unfulfilling relationship. He has wanted to get married for ages and wasn't in a position to in that relationship; meanwhile, he never expected us to get married and was caught off-guard, jealous etc. Six days after our text conversation, he broke up with his girlfriend, is his same happy self again and has sincerely wished us a happy future.