A Good Role Model?

I've mentioned before how The Kid's grandparents are going through a really messy divorce. I try not to do more than mention it because it really is none of my business, though parts of the shitshow definitely do affect me and my family. We live in a small city surrounded by two very small towns. The Ex lives with her mother in one of the towns. The Grandfather now lives in the other town.
Historically, he's been terrible to both The Husband and I (moreso my husband though). The Husband's whole relationship with The Ex was filled with threats from The Grandfather and lots and lots of manipulation of the system (The Grandfather was a cop *sigh*). The verbal venom spewed from this man has been matched only by his soon-to-be ex-wife.
Then he left her/got kicked out (I'll leave that to your imagination).
Based on their behavior over the years, this came as a great shock to The Husband and I. After nearly 40 years of marriage they were divorcing. Naturally, it took a HUGE toll on The Kid. He'd already been through one terrible divorce. Now, just 5 years later, he has to watch another terrible divorce, this time with much more malevolence and an older consciousness with which to remember it by.
He responded by claiming he hated his grandfather. I believe this was largely due to the fact that he was still living with his grandmother and so saw her sadness and heard her rancor. The past two years have been wrought with his disdain for his grandfather, who has hasn't seen in just as long. We try to listen respectfully so that he can vent and correct him if he says something threatening or violent.
I see The Grandfather a few times a week at the gym. He used to ignore me but now stares at me until I look him. Then he will often wave or nod or something. After I married The Husband he actually came over and said, "Congratulations. I wish you the all the best." Doesn't sound like much, but coming from him this is pretty incredible.There seems to be a great sadness to him now.
I think the much of this sadness stems from not seeing The Kid. As a retiree, he practically raised The Kid. Dropped him off to school, picked him up from school, had "sleepovers" (even though they lived together) every Saturday. That child is his light and his life. And he hasn't seem him in two years. And he knows that The Kid thinks ill of him.
I think the whole situation is very sad.
We often drive by The Grandfather, or see his car parked somewhere we're running an errand (small towns!) and this always changes The Kid's mood to a sour one. He gets upset and then angry and then withdrawn. I usually use this opportunity to reassure him that if he ever wants to talk to his grandfather again all he needs to do is let someone know.This is a no-pressure thing, but I don't want him to fall into the same trap that he did when he was alienated from his father. I simply want him to know the option to communicate is there, whether to express how his feelings are hurt or to explain how he misses their time together. And he's always let me know that he never wants to talk to that $%&#*@ again.
Until last night.
After school, out of nowhere, he said he wants to talk to his grandfather. But, he wants to do it on our time, not when he is with his grandmother and/or mother. Don't worry, there is nothing sneaky about this. He just doesn't want this valuable time to be interrupted by hate and knows he will get privacy if he chooses to meet with him on our time.
I'm so proud of The Kid for admitting he needs to talk with his grandfather, for we've known this was the case for months. It demonstrates incredible maturity and independence; he's no longer idly listening to whatever information is pumped to him but rather trying to make decisions himself. As parents, it also makes The Husband and I proud to know that The Kid feels comfortable enough to be honest with us. The Grandfather is The Ex's father and has no relation to us. If anything, when The Husband's divorce was final, that was a good bye and good riddance relationship. I often wonder if The Kid sees through our efforts to be civil, but this instance proves that he trusts us and our support of all his family relationships.
I'll admit it sucks to smile and nod when he talks about people who have caused us so much hurt. But this whole scenario proves that it is worth it if your main objective really is the well-being of the child.
And for me, its one of the first instances where I feel like I've really had a hand in helping to raise this child. All those years of sucking it up, taking the high road and (feigning) forgiveness pay off when I see The Kid give forgiveness a chance. Maybe I have been a good role model after all.