Remember how I ended my last post..."but more on that tomorrow?"
The that in the situation being backing away from my stepmom role and living my own life?
Hahahahaha.
Oh. The irony.
That night, I left work and went to the gym. After my workout, I checked my phone and had three missed calls from The Husband. I called him back and he answers, "Hey, when are you going to be home?"
"I'm on my way, why?"
"Well, I'm going to be working late tonight so I need you home with The Kid."
*silence*
"Hello?"
"I'll be home in 10 minutes," I grunted.
I wasn't angry, per se, I just wasn't told he was working late and was completely unprepared to devote all my energy to The Kid. Feeding him my "gross food." Chasing him around to get his homework done and take a shower. Sitting with him until bedtime because he cannot seem to entertain himself. Arguing with him to go to bed. I was a bit frustrated.
What happened to this new proclamation that I was going to have a life again?! Of course I would help out this one night, though.
It turned to anger when my husband informed me that he would be working late every night for the next 6 weeks. I don't care how late he works when we don't have The Kid - we need the money, especially with Christmas approaching. I was angry that he scheduled all of this extra work on nights we had The Kid without even asking me if I was busy or willing to pick up his parenting slack.
My best friend was coming back from a year away on one of those nights and I have been dying to see her. Now I couldn't because I had to be a "parent." I couldn't follow through with most of the plans I made that week because The Husband failed to inform me of my newly-minted duties.
Not much more than one year ago, I wasn't allowed to drive The Kid anywhere in case his mother saw me with him. Then she got a boyfriend-turned-fiance, and, though she still won't talk to me, I can do whatever I want with The Kid so long as she gets to be with her boyfriend. Suddenly, I'm spending more time with this kid then either of his parents. Not fair!
I told The Husband that since his court ordered visitation is only Saturdays from 10am to 4 pm (The Ex has sole custody, but we usually take 50/50 physical custody now that she has a
He said no.
We didn't speak for three days.
Needless to say, by the next day the post about my new-found freedom was bunk. And, I was too busy carting The Kid around to his various activities to post. Then, this weekend I got sick.
And so, here I am.
Getting ready to pick up The Kid from school because mom is off with her boyfriend and dad is working. Did I mention I'm working too? Rearranging my hours to drop him off/pick him up/get him to lessons and friends houses etc. I'm exhausted.
Don't get me wrong, I love getting some one-on-one time with The Kid, but this was a bit much. And it not being something we agreed to, I was, well, livid when I found out that the next six weeks had been decided for me.
Of course we won't be changing any parenting time throughout this ordeal. I've convinced myself it's better for The Kid to be with us.
But after this next 6 weeks, we have some major reevaluating to do.
10 comments:
That sucks. I've had that happen to me before - though not for 6 weeks. I"m glad you get some one on one time with the kid but a little warning is always nice. Hope these next few weeks pass quickly for you and are reasonably stress free. :) Hang in there/
I would be pretty pissed too. I've been there though ... considering I work from home I can definitely say that during the summer time and what not I definitely spend more days with the boys than either of their "real" parents do. And that indeed makes me feel more like a live in nanny than a person. Is there anyone who can babysit or any of his friends that he can do an evening with so that you can go out with your friend? You should be allowed a life too!
This might sound mean. It might sound witchy it might sound EVIL
but don't do it.
Not My Kid Not My Problem
NMKNMP
Rinse Repeat
Big hug to you. Also if you still follow me I will have to invite you as a reader since our BM has gone insane and I had to privatize the blog.
XOXO
Oh I remember those times well - the assumptions that I was just going to drop everything and come to the rescue, blah, blah, blah. I totally understand how you feel. - G
Ugh. This seems so WRONG. Why bother with visitation if Dad isn't home? I can't believe these parents would stick you with this responsibility...now of all times. How insensitive. You, my friend, are a saint, but this is going to get old real fast. Especially when the kid needs discipline and won't listen to you. I'm with you - reevaluation is necessary. Keep standing up for yourself!
I absolutely agree with IPG. I had a very similar situation in that my husband travels for work. Should he travel when it is HIS visitation with HIS kids, guess what?! They go back to BM. I am not their mother and the point of visitation is to spend time with their birth parent - NOT me. My SK's have made it very clear - they don't like me and do not want a relationship with me. Okay then, I will NOT pick up the slack. They have two perfectly good (chuckle, chuckle) parents and I am more than happy to allow them to parent their own kids.
Please - stand up for yourself. Say no and make them parent their own kid. I promise, no one is ever going to give you any brownie points or credit for what you are doing...
Take care of YOU!!!
Very tough. Especially since there wasn't any room for you to talk about whether or not you were willing to do this. I'm with some of the previous commenters -- stand for up yourself and let husband know what you are WILLING to do, as opposed to being told what you MUST do for HIS kiddo.
Ugh. I had a lot of emotions reading this. I know I would feel responsible for stepping up too, but I also feel angry that your husband acted like you have no say in how you spend your time. When push comes to shove, we stepparents are quickly reminded how they are not our "real" children, but we sure are "real" parents when it is convenient for others. This sounds like a very frustrating situation.
This was so me a few years ago! Only my ordeal lasted for a couple of years and not 6 weeks. Husband was always working, mom was off with boyfriend and I spent more time with their kid than they did. Oh, and like you, I was working, too. I was the one who rearranged my schedule to pick up, drop off, take to extra curricular activities, feed, take car of when he was sick...I expressed my feelings to my husband and he had the same reaction yours did - he didn't want to change visitation. After a little more than two years of this though, I told my husband that if he didn't get a clue, forget, "not my kid, not my problem" it was darn close to being "not my husband, not my problem." LOL! After many conversations, however, he finally listened to me and now we are on the same page. I hope it works out that way for you, too!
Dear EWO,
This is really tough. Last summer when Junior was supposed to spend the entire summer with his mother, he failed English and had to take 3 weeks of summer school. Two of those weeks my hubs was away for Army Training. Angry? You betcha.
This year, DH is deployed. I made it very clear that with Junior graduated from high school that I was not parenting him by myself. He has a mother and he can live with her.
My DH is a genius. Although he did not like it, he agreed.
You matter, you count. Your life is just as important as your husband's.
"No" is complete sentence.
"I'm sorry, I can't today" is perfectly acceptable.
One of the most important things I've learned recently is that we get what we tolerate. And that we teach others how to treat us based on what we're willing to put up with.
Are you willing to put up with this?
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