All I wanted for Christmas was to still be pregnant. Since that didn't work out, all I want is to hole up in a nice hotel and spend the day alone with a bottle of something delicious, a fluffy hotel bed and a giant flatscreen TV. I actually tried to make this a reality (you wouldn't believe the rates on the hotel for Christmas! Dirt cheap!).
My husband understood my need to be away from it all and was relatively supportive. He knows it hurts when The Kid tears open his presents, the ones I picked out and bought with my money, and exclaims, "Thanks Dad!" without even looking at me or even acknowledging that I'm in the room. Not to mention, last week The Kid changed his mind about what he wants (to something which we cannot afford - nor can we return the thing he HAD to have last month when he made his list) so I know he's going to pitch a fit when he doesn't get the gift he *really* wants.
My family, on the other hand, would have none of it. My dad, who is very much like me, was supportive, but my mom flipped her lid. My siblings were all, "Who's going to cook the french toast Christmas day? If you don't come we'll starve!"I know how lucky I am to have such a wonderful family - that fact never escapes me. In fact, it was exactly that which encouraged me to pursue having children of my own. So me and my empty ol' utie are not really feeling the holiday togetherness this year.
But, here I am two days before Christmas furiously cleaning my house and baking up a storm for my whole family who has decided to come to my house this year. It's almost like a Christmas intervention. They are bringing all the food and all the drinks and simply using our barracks as a gathering place.
With my hopes of a relaxing hotel stay dashed, I'm thinking I'll just push off the glorious alone time into January and try (and try and try) to find the spirit of this holiday season.
I hope you all do to.
4 comments:
I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope having an invasion makes it easier to survive.
I hope you do get a chance to get away by yourself soon. Everyone needs it, even at the best of times.
We had an argument about presents tonight (ie: what is appropriate/fair/a reasonable amount of $$/etc for the SS) and I've been sitting here with steam rising off the top of my head. Reading your words about how it feels to not be acknowledged made me feel a little less hysterical and a lot more normal. Thank you for that.
Here's to getting through the holidays stepmom style. Hugs - G
I hope you can survive the holidays and finally get some much needed "you" time after the new year. I have to say spending the day in a hotel room by myself does sound lovely, just getting some time away from it all and from responsibility is just so appealing. I have been really excited about the holidays but the son hasn't been wanting to talk to us and yesterday I just got PEG's and the son's christmas card with a big ole fat picture of her ugly mug and the son. I tried to put it in the holiday card box without thinking about it or immediately throwing it away. It wasn't easy and I keep feeling the need to go look at the picture. I hate that the son has this whole other life, one that he sometimes prefers over ours, it kills me and I hate having to share my life with PEG. Sounds like great holiday spirit huh? I am starting to regret trying to make this the perfect christmas in Texas at my house for a SS that wont really care and will probably bring up his mom, or the fact we are not with Hubbs parents, god forbid we do anything with the son without them.....sorry I needed to vent apparently.
Anyway I can relate in wanting some peaceful alone time, my heart goes out to you. Hugs XXX
My wish is that you find some peace and joy today. Heaven knows you deserve it more than many people I know. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
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