Sigh.
Miscarriage #2 is in progress. Two pregnancies and two losses in 4 months. I promise this isn't becoming a pregnancy blog. Or fertility-struggle blog. It's just the story of a girl who sacrificed everything for a kid that wasn't hers and then couldn't have kids of her own. I know there's lots of you out there.
I really think there is little out there that can make you hate being a stepparent more than repeatedly losing your own pregnancies. Not a hostile, selfish, destructive, money-sucking ex. Not a slovenly, ungrateful teenage stepchild.
This girl is doing what she does best and looking to relocate. This may or may not entail The Husband coming with me. This, of course, does not mean we'll divorce. I just know he won't leave where we live, and I'm looking to move internationally for grad school. It would only be a couple of years. This is something I have been tossing around for a long, long while. Long before I even met him. And though marriage requires compromise, I have been consistently held back by the man that I love. I feel like I have compromised an awful lot for him over the past seven years and I'm ready to live my life again, to better my life, to do the things I've put on the back-burner because I was cleaning up someone else's mess. I know it sounds weird, but I'm excited for the opportunity this loss has presented me with.
Again, thank you for all the positive vibes you sent my way, you have no idea how much they were appreciated. Now, it's time to focus on getting through the holidays. Hey, at least now I can have a drink, right?
21 comments:
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Hang in there. I'm glad you are looking towards taking care of yourself and doing what you want to better your life. I think that is something we don't always do, but is really needed.
If we lived closer (and actually knew each other in "real" life) I would take you out for that drink.
Merry Christmas, sweetie.
Hugs!!
You can have a lot of drinks if you want! Big Hugs.
keep you head up and definately do things for you
I'm really sorry, EWO.
Please take care of yourself and let the dust of these big, sad changes settle a little.
Thinking of you and tonight I'll raise a glass to you and your wee ones.
B x
I understand....I am actually thankful that for 7 years I've failed to become pregnant, verses your situation. Time to focus on you and let hubby parent.
Very sad about the whole thing but thinking of you and wishing you the best. Sounds like you have the right outlook, do what you need to do. You deserve that, and I wish you nothing but future happiness whatever that may entail. I can't imagine what you are going through, if you ever need to talk you know how to reach me. Drink several drinks!! Enjoy what you can!
Sorry to hear about your loss as well. It is definitely time to focus on you again. Good luck with looking at international schools - how fun and exciting.
I'm so sorry for your losses! I'm glad you are making a concerted effort to focus on you again. Stepmotherhood is definitely a huge sacrifice. Take care of you....hugs!
I am sorry to hear of you loss. But it sounds like you have figured out what YOU want, and I hope you are able to get the time to yourself, and start to focus on yourself.
I am so very sorry for your loss. I can't find the words to express my deepest sympathy. I hope you are able to spend some well-deserved time to find what YOU want and what is best for YOU!
I understand completely when you say he won't leave where you are currently residing. My hubby won't either, but someday we are outta here.
Thoughts, prayers and best wishes to you during this very difficult time.
Hugs!
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Definitely DO take time to take care of yourself and stand firm in that.
I read your post about the six weeks your hubby was working late and wanted to offer a comment on that, as well.
I do a lot for my steppeeps, but I definitely do it on my terms. Their Egg Donor doesn't do anything as far as doc appts, school activities, etc. and My Hubby works hours that are not conducive. I decided that I would participate in that stuff for them, because I am able. But I have had to stand firm when My Hubby or The ED think they can dictate to me what I have to do with regard to my kiddos. Do the same for yourself. Built up resentment is an ugly thing.
Hang in there. :)
Oh hon, I am so very sorry to hear about this. Take care of you.
Much love,
Peggy
I am so sorry, but also really proud of you for putting yourself and your dreams first for a change. It sounds like a fabulous opportunity for you. I'm behind you 100% and I hope your husband is too. Wishing you all the best.
-Sharon
So sorry you're going through this, but it sounds like at least you're handling it well. Going abroad would be amazing. I'm sure you will make the decision that's best for you.
So sorry for your loss!
So much of this speaks to a feeling I've held onto for awhile. The "where would I be now" question tears me up sometimes. It is a thought that I think only another SM could understand.
Thinking of you and supporting you every single step of the way.- G
At one point, I was you so I can so relate! I'm glad you are at least considering taking better care of YOU! I don't drink, but I just may have one for you tonight.
~Kela
I am so sorry to hear that things didn't work out. Being a stepmother seems to add a whole different aspect of suckage to the situation. Hope you are getting lots of hugs and support.
I'm sorry for your loss. Perhaps it's a sign that you should definitely stop putting your wants in life on hold. I too have felt that I've compromised a lot to clean up someone else's mess. it's frustrating. I can't tell you what choice to make or how to go about it, but if there is a desire burning in your heart with grad school I would hope that your husband would be behind you and willing to find some middle ground to allow you to go after it.
I'm just reading this, and have to say that I think you are on to something here. Forgive me for saying the wrong thing, but I am excited for you! it is a wonderful wonderful thing to turn a breakdown, or potential disater into a breakthrough, or turning point in one's life. If you can take the heartache that you have and make it something beautiful for yourself, then you are on the way to greatness. And of course, we stepmoms are always here for you. I'm rooting for you, whatever path you take!
I'm so sorry to hear this. I had been wondering how you were doing. I think your instinct to live YOUR life is a good one. Sounds like you deserve it.
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