Mother and Child, detail from "The Three Ages of Woman"Gustav Klimt
At dinner last night, The Husband had a long chat with The Kid. The chat was primarily around my concern that The Kid was nervous to talk about his mom's fiance in front of us. He got a very cool present for Christmas, and when I asked who got it for him he said, "Uh, I forgot. I don't know! No one. Mom. Yeah, Mom. It was Mom who got it for me. I think." He has always been very open about talking about his life with us, as we have never pried, tried to gain information or used any sly tactics. We just want him to be comfortable talking about his life, not feeling like his love for his mom is a taboo subject in our house. So, I thought this response was out of the ordinary. I knew from the response who the gift was from, so I brought it up to The Husband who in turn brought it up to The Kid.
The Husband reassured The Kid that it is great that he likes his stepdad, that it is a blessing that he likes both of his stepparents so very much. He said he will always be the dad and he knows that, so The Kid doesn't have to worry about talking about Stepdad if he wants to share a story.
This seemed to put The Kid at ease. They talked about the new structure of The Kid's family and how happy he is to have additional uncles, aunts and grandparents who love him so much.
The Kid insisted that we are a family, no matter what anyone else tries to tell him.
Then he asked, "Do you remember that time I called her mom?" (Her being me.)
The Husband didn't remember. I remember the instance, only because I thought The Kid was calling his dad Mom, and it made me chuckle (my husband is anything but motherly!).
"Well, I did. And I got upset afterward. Like I shouldn't have said that. But, I think of her as my stepmom. She takes care of me. She does everything for me. Sometimes I might want to call her mom. It doesn't matter right? It doesn't matter what I call her?"
I have never, ever thought of myself as a mom to The Kid. Firstly, I would have been 15 when he was born. Though biologically possible, I was wayyyyyyyyyyy to young to have a kid. A freshman in high school??? Nope. I'm too young to be his mom.
Going in to this whole shindig, I knew he was very much a momma's boy. He was primarily raised by his mom and his grandma. It's not like he needed another motherly figure in his life.
We've always been more like buddies. I don't discipline him unless I'm afraid he's going to hurt himself (or me, or the dog, etc.). I feed him things I say I would never let me own children eat. I let things he does that really really REALLY bother me slide.
The Husband told The Kid it doesn't matter what he calls me (as long as it's not shithead or f**kface) and he can call me whatever he is comfortable with. The Kid said that sometimes, that might be Mom.
So, I guess I'm Sometimes Mom.
I never saw that one coming.
12 comments:
Sometimes Mom...
Made me want to cry... what a huge thing for him to say! At least from where I am, that seems huge...
My SD's are content calling me every ugly name in the book... so Sometimes Mom is like miracle stuff...
That is so sweet. And it is great that you are comfortable enough to let him call you whatever he wants. It is also great that you guys were able to have an open conversation with the Kid to put him at ease. I am sure he is a lot happier when he isn't worried about saying what he wants and not having to be on gaurd. Hopefully he will also remember your and hubby's attitude toward the situation, and then remember how his mother treated you when the roles were reversed.
What a nice holiday surprise huh? :)
How sweet. Seems like you all do a really good job of talking openly with him about your big big family.
what a sweet post! Sounds like you've got a really great situation going on there! My stepson calls me mama now and at first it was kind of weird, but I love it now because it makes me feel like a real mom! I hope you all had a merry christmas!
Lydia :)
That's so lovely. I don't think I'll get that moment with my partner's daughter.
That's awesome!! Sounds like he is a really great kid surrounded by a lot of love! :)
How shockingly adult of you all. Imagine, parents who are mature enough to not be threatened by the other parents in the picture. I think a few parents I know could take a lesson from this.
No matter how much older than the Kid you are, he will still see you as a parent. And obviously as a good parent, whom he loves. Good for you!
EWO - I'm the Bonus Mom. My adult step kids call me that. Junior calls me that. DH calls me that. And yes, his ex-wife calls me that.
But enough about me, let me tell you about my stepmom. She's my dad's 4th wife. We did not get a long for seven long years. A lot of that had to do with me being protective of my dad (was she after his money?) and my exhusband hating her (he didn't like my dad all that much either, and to this day I regret letting his feelings for other people affect my feelings for them!)
Well...after the divorce, my stepmom and I began to build our relationship. We became best friends. I stopped introducing her as "my father's wife" and began introducing her as my stepmom. She balked at first...until I listed off all the mom things she does for me and my 6 other siblings. And I told her that having her as my stepmom is such an honor because with her, my dad has found his true partner.
And btw, I'm a product of my dad's FIRST marriage...and the woman I call mom was his SECOND wife.
Whether you are mom, sometimes mom, or stepmom - you are honored and cherished by your stepson.
xo
I too have to chime in and say that's sweet. I had the same experience that I plan on sharing soon.
This made me want to cry, tears of joy that is....I am so proud of the kid for being able to say that to your husband and for saying all the wonderful things about you. You mean a lot to him and I could not think of anything better to hear than those words from him.
You are a wonderful caring, loving stepmother and that shows. I know we dont feel like their mothers and we try not to be them but knowing that they feel that way about us, about you melts my cold wicked heart. What a great way to start the new year!
That's so nice. I remember when my stepdaughter asked if she could call me mommy. She was so nervous - which is weird because BioB*&(^ wasn't in the picture at that time . . .
Just stumbled across your blog from Step-Fabulous, and so far I love it!
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