I admit it. Before I became A-Woman-Dating-A-Divorcee-With-A-Kid, I was a very lax girlfriend. Very trusting in my relationships, I wasn't nosy or pushy. I sort of just went with the flow. I was even like this for the first year, maybe even two, of my relationship with The (now) Husband. Until, that is, the shit hit the fan.
I haven't been the same since. Now I'm always checking that he paid his child support, making sure he's followed up on her requests and, much to my chagrin, monitoring his communication with her.
Yesterday, Father's Day morning, his cell phone beeps while he is still in bed. I notice it is The Ex. Curiosity is eating away at me but I don't check the message. None of my business.
Wondering what it says.
Wondering what it says.
Wondering what it says.
When The Husband finally wakes up and checks his messages, I ask through clenched teeth, "That wasn't a Happy Father's Day text was it?"
I know it's none of my business. He does not need to answer me. But he does.
"Yeah. It was."
I have two very real and very vivid reactions to this:
1. How dare she wish him a Happy Father's Day after everything she's done?!? She tried for years to strip The Husband of any and every parental right, and privilege, he has. I've seen him through Father's Days where she said he could only seen The Kid for two hours because The Kid had to spend Father's Day with his grandfather, "his real family." I've seen him through Father's Days (two, in fact) where he wasn't even allowed to see his son at all because she took The Kid away. How dare she wish him well on this day without even so much as an apology for the selfish, ignorant, damaging behavior she has demonstrated? How dare she act like none of that ever happened? Iwanttopunchherintheteeth.
2. THANK GOD! She's finally come to realize the incredible gift her ex has given her. She can see beyond the foolishness and the anger she harbors and be thankful for her blessings, namely their child. Ijustwanttogetalong.
At least there is an option #2, right? At least I know what the proper reaction should be, even if I'm not entirely there yet.
It was a happy Father's Day. It was the first Father's Day since I've known The Husband that he has been able to spend the entire day, uninterrupted and bullshit-free, with his son. And that's all that really matters.
4 comments:
Hi!
I found your blog through Jennifer Newcomb Marine's blog.
I am so glad you gave yourself two options and opted for #2! Way to go. As stepmoms we have many many options and possibilities when it comes to how we feel.
Our feelings are just that - feelings. What belief or thought we attach to our feelings is a whole 'nother story! And when we trap ourselves into thinking in terms of "should" and / or "should not" we get stuck in our own war with reality.
I like you blog and look forward to your posts!
Peggy (aka Tool Box Girl)
I'm so glad he got to have a "bullshit free day" with his kid! That's the goal, and the point, isn't it. I wish we all could have that:)
Hi Peggy! Thanks for dropping by and for the comment.
Yah, it was a nice day, full of laughs and smiles. All reports indicate they both really enjoyed it. Can't think of a better Father's Day present!
I agree with dragonflymama. Be thankful for the bullshit-free day with The Kid. That is all that truly matters.
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