I took a walk in the warm summer rain this weekend, an act I am convinced is good for the soul. This walk allowed me some time to dwell on some of the thoughts buried at the back of my mind.
One such thought was the turn my life would take if anything ever happened to The Husband, my husband. Morbid? Yes. But also valid.
I thought my finances. My family. My future.
I thought about how, even though the name change is taking some serious getting used to, I'm glad I took his name. I bear it proudly now, with him, and would bear it proudly, for him, were he no longer here.
But mainly, I thought about my relationship with The Kid. I wondered if it would still exist if The Husband were no more. And, startlingly, realized that it probably would not.
Would he still want to see me? Would he still want to talk to me? Would he be allowed to? Who would tell me silly jokes? Who would I help with literature homework? Who would remind me of his dad?
I would feel like I was missing a very real and very important piece of my life if The Kid wasn't in it. I'm so used to him now - the good, the bad and the indifferent - that I cannot envision life without him. There would most certainly be a huge, gaping hole caused by his absence.
I hope The Husband and I have a long future together, but I know there are no guarantees. I guess I really hope that, no matter what happens, my (chaotic, beautiful, irreplaceable) relationship with The Kid endures.
3 comments:
I was just thinking about this yesterday about my own life. Scary to think that as the stepmom you don't have "rights" under the law to allow visitation, so not only would you be losing your spouse you would be losing your child. So hard to even think about. I feel your pain completely!
If I remember correctly, Kid is nearly 13. Chances are that nothing is going to happen to your beloved hubby in the next five years. Chances are also good that Kid will find friends and things that take priority over spending time with parents and/or stepparents. Sorry to be such a bummer, but reality is that teens are very selfish creatures. Enjoy the time you have with him and try not to worry.
You guys have to stop apologizing for your "bummer" comments! I would never see the alternatives if you didn't point them out! No bummers here.
You're right, mean stepmom, The Kid will probably be embarrassed by the mere mention of us none to soon. And though The Husband does have a dangerous line of work, the likelihood of his demise is slim. Thanks for the advice...I will (try) not (to) worry until I need to and enjoy the ride.
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