I never thought I wanted to have kids until I became a stepmom.
Now, my favorite evenings are the ones spent at home when we all eat dinner together, listening to the iPod on shuffle and talking about nuclear fallout shelters and giant meatballs. I love scraping the plates after we eat while The Kid does his Napoleon Dynamite dance routine for me (he's really quite good!).
Most Friday nights you'll find me sitting around the firepit telling ridiculous ghost stories and imagining what an alien prom would be like, because that is where I truly want to be. I really did go out and buy myself a six-shooter Nerf gun so I would stand a chance against the late-night ambushes. I really do wake up when he cries from a nightmare and comfort him back to sleep.
It's not always fun and it's hardly ever easy, but it's always worth it and I can't even imagine the thrill of doing these things with my own children.
Yeah, I know that sounds shitty. But by no means am I undermining my relationship with The Kid. I love him, so much that sometimes it hurts, but I do not love him like my own. I can't, because he's not.
But what I do have with him has made me want to grow our family, spend more Friday nights at home playing silly games and creating more memories that make me smile.
And, to tell a kid not to do something and be able to make them listen to me, of course.
6 comments:
Wow... I'm impressed!
I'm the opposite. The skids have made me NOT want to have any kids of my own. I hate all the thankless hard work, mess and noise and the loss of freedom when they are here!
I guess I'm one of the selfish ones that likes my life to be about me!
I should perhaps start viewing things more from your perspective, and embracing it all instead of resenting it.
You are an inspiration!
B xxxx
I know what you mean. While its hard having the son 24/7 I am really going to miss him when he is gone. We have enjoyed him so much and its lead to a lot of talks about what it will be like with our family someday. I told him there would be no babies until after we were married, I dont want to be the second girl he knocked up and "HAD" to marry because I am sure that is what everyone would think!! HAHA Kids allow you to be a kid again and that part I love. I cant imagine being with a child that was like me, looked like me, or acted like me. Has to be such an amazing feeling, hopefully we get to feel that someday!
I always wanted my own kids too, and now that I know I can't have any, it just makes having stepkids even more special.
Month after month of negative tests can be heartbreaking. I think it's much easier if it's "accidental." Just relax and have fun. If it's meant to be, it will be.
But most important of all, appreciate what you have. A baby won't change that.
Thanks Belle Mere! You make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside :)
mean stepmom...stay tuned. Tomorrow's scheduled post is about exactly your comment. I'd love to hear your thoughts.
I really love reading your warm thoughts about your stepchild. I mean, who can't help but feel special when a kid does the Napoleon Dynamite for you! You are very lucky!
I can't have any of my own, which did not bother me until I suddenly had three stepchildren and I realized what I was missing out on.
I can't imagine what it would be like to see a poster at the store for a concert and to think, "Wow, that'd be fun to take (son or daughter) to," and not have to skip through the calendar on my cell phone to see if we have the kids that weekend. I can't even begin to think about just saying, "You know what? Let's take off work for a couple days and go to Disneyland!" and not have to notify the ex-wife of our plans, talk to our Parenting Coordinator to get her to approve it (since the ex would of course not agree) and then provide a detailed itinerary and a written promise not to kidnap the child to another country.
We are thinking about foster-adopting...someday. In the meantime, it is difficult to deal with being the provider, the responsible one, the non-parent who makes dentist appointments and videotapes school recitals, but yet is not a part of the family at all.
I think more than anything I'd just like to have a family of my own. Be a part of something that's mine and not hers.
So I totally get what you're saying. :-)
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