Recently, I've noticed there's this whole other side to being a child-free stepmom that I never anticipated: the anxiety that my kid(s) won't be as good as their kid.We're not even close to trying for our own kids, but I can't help but worry about all sorts of things that might happen down the line.
(Did I mention I'm really good at worrying about things that might happen?)
What if I can't have kids? What if I miscarry? What if we have a child with special needs? What if we have a sick baby? All trying journeys in their own right, I feel like the pain and frustration is amplified by the thought, "What if his only child is the one he accidentally had with her?"
That thought turns my stomach.
I know that life happens and we need to roll with the punches. I know that everything happens for reasons that we cannot possibly comprehend. I know I shouldn't worry about things out of my control.
But alas, I am weak and I worry anyway.
Sometimes, though, I wonder, how much of this would be an issue if he didn't already have a kid.
Ah, what selfish little creatures we humans are.
4 comments:
I know exactly what you are talking about, I have had that exact same conversation. I told my friends I just knew something was going to be wrong with me and I wouldn't be able to have kids. Then how would I deal with this? I know I someday wants to have a child maybe two but what if that wasn't possible?? I completely stress and worry about it, what if our kid isnt as smart as theirs, or what if he/she isnt as cute as my stepson? I think bottom line is whether or not we like to admit it we make it a competition, it makes me feel like I have a litte more control. Of course that is all in my head just like BM's control is all in hers but I can't help it.
Whatever gets you through the day I guess. So funny, you are reading my thoughts, the BF and I had this same conversation the other night. Lets just hope things work out and if we have babies they are healthy. Have a great day!
I think these are normal worries that every woman has, only amplified as a second wife "competing" with an ex-wife and stepchild. At least that's the feeling I get when I read your post.
Avoid comparing yourself to the first wife. It will only drive you (and your husband) crazy.
Instead, consider YOUR family, YOUR home, and whether a new baby would be a welcome addition at this point in your lives.
I highly recommend reading blogs of other stepmoms who also have biological children of their own. It adds a whole new dynamic that I have not experienced (treating all the kids equally, etc).
Just food for thought. :)
You guys are right, definitely a little competition...The Ex can't be better at anything, even making babies!
We don't want kids for another few years...so I shouldn't even worry.
Maybe in 3 years we'll change our minds and decide it's no kids for us. Time spent worrying is wasted time...sigh.
Though, mean stepmom, it will be an interesting dynamic if we add one of our own because as it stands, The Kid has no concept that I am able to have kids. The thought hasn't even crossed his young mind. We have decided not to address it until we're actually pregnant. Though I think as a burgeoning teenager he'll catch on pretty fast!
It's great to hear that someone else has the same fears I do. Although I am also VERY excited- for the kids to have a younger sibling around, for me to not have to say good-bye to a child in my life, and to see a child created by me and him. I am so excited I can barely stand it. But yes, the fears are there too.
Post a Comment