I've always been somewhat of a pessimist. It drives most people crazy, but I find life much more tolerable if I'm always expecting the worst. I get more pleasant surprises this way.
In Stepmomville, though, I think constant pessimism is a way of life. A way of survival, even.
In reading all the other great blogs out there (see sidebar), I realize how incredibly fortunate I am. No, my situation didn't come without hard work on my part. But it also didn't come without sabotage on The Ex's part. And it certainly has a lot to do with the remarkable character of The Kid himself. I'm thankful every day for what we have, what we have made and how we have handled it.
But when things are good, as they have been, I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. What woman married to a man with kids (psycho ex or not) isn't? We are trained to expect a shitstorm. When everyone's getting along, when the ex isn't stirring the pot, when a stepfamily is living in symbiosis, we are worried. Because by all accounts, that isn't normal. Nobody ever says, "Hey, great! Good for you!" We are constantly warned to wait for IT. "Well things are good now, but just wait until school starts again, until he gets older, until you screw up..." Ohshutup!
Yes The Kid is getting older. Yes he will be a teenager soon. Yes, he will be a hormonal little prick at times. But you know what? I'm a hormonal prick sometimes, too.
One day, these will be the Good Old Days. We are busy making memories and I'm not listening to the naysayers anymore. I don't want to spend another minute worrying about when The Kid is going to hate me, when he'll get the message that stepmoms suck nomatterwhat, when I'll get sick of him. It might happen, but it's not happening now.
Yeah, I'll still remain a pessimist by nature. But on my own terms. Not because everyone else tells me to be.
The Other Shoe can go stick itself.....somewhere else.
10 comments:
What a great way of looking at it!! I especially like your attitude of "I'm a hormonal prick sometimes to!" Makes us remember that our own behaviour can make or break our situations to.
Great post.
B x
I hope I haven't been a naysayer. I tend to be a pessimist at times.
The good news is that a big part of the future is dependent upon your past and the rapport you establish with The Kid now. You're earning big points.
Good for you! I know that because we came here looking for a place to vent it seems like all we do is bitch. Maybe we should all look a little bit more on the bright side and enjoy what we got.
I was thinking about the same thing justyesterday. When things are going well for me I start to think, Oh this is just too good to be true. someone or something is just bound to come along and screw it all up. It takes work to be able to silence this inner critic. Good for you for standing up to yours. Great post!
I completely understand where you are coming from, love your point of view!! You and the kid will always have your special relationship because you have worked hard at it and have known him for as long as you have. Ignore all the negative views in your life, you are right you don't need them! Focus on what you know, on what you love and everything will work out as it should! More power to you!!!
As much as I try to talk positive, I always expect the worst. For the very reason that if things actually DO work in my favor, I will be ridiculously happy. If not, who cares...I knew it wouldn't work out anyway. :P
Oooh no my stepbloggers are not the naysayers. Though sometimes y'all do shock me into reality with a very good insight into a situation, I never feel attacked by you guys. By the dumbasses that have "normal" lives, yes. But you guys, noooooo. :)
But isn't it funny (but not haha funny!) how everyone always wants to shoot us down? Like maybe it wasn't all the hard work, sacrifices etc. that got us where we are, but a raging streak of dumb luck that's bound to end.
Arg!
There are times, when the kids are with us, that I may be fuming about something hateful or disgusting the BM has done...and then I realize I am wasting the time we have together with the kids. Letting her selfishness interfere with our time is unforgivable, and I won't do it. I agree with you so much on this, though I fall into pessimism at times too.
Y'know EWO, I think I fall into the pessimist category as well, and I am quite susceptible to naysayers (my mother is one of the most vociferous of these) and tend to get on the worry horse a bit. And you are so right - sometimes other people (usually the ones NOT in blended families, n'est-ce pas?) like to wave the wand of doom over things when they're going fine. Because they're not fine, are they, simply by nature of the fact that kiddo's parents are split, her mother's a nutter and she has a blended family. It seems that by being just fine we are putting a middle finger up at society who says we need to be this way to be happy, and my theory is this is threatening to some, who like to pity the "poor children" and shake their heads at the stepmother who tries her best with them.
Good on you for seeing the positives girl!
Hey ladies...
What keeps me going in my relationship with my stepson (aka Junior) is that one day, I know he'll be fine. Until then, he's a teenager and he sucks.
He's mentally and emotionally draining. And I have no issues telling Junior's parents that I need break from him and he needs a break from me. My Junior batteries are more than dead. They've flatlined and then some.
Fortunately, Junior's mother knows I need a break and she's taking him this Sunday for a week and hopefully for the rest of the summer.
Keep your fingers crossed because I want the rest of summer without him.
;-)
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